I may not be a world-renowned doctorate of psychology
But I bagged myself four A Levels, and I’m doing a degree
I’ve never been to New York, and I know you’ll be surprised
To find my alcohol intake of this week is enough to make Keith Richards weep,
And my blood-sugar levels are reaching sky-high
And if you’ve read my work before
I thank you for coming back for more
But I know you’re just expecting me
To mention David Bowie.
I wasn’t born in the 70s, though I love it’s music scene
I wasn’t born in the 90s, when the fashion was just obscene
I got here in the 80s, when Adam Ant was all the rage
And Gary Glitter became a paedo, the Tories were not nice to know,
And my mother’s hair was in it’s bouffant stage
And if you’ve read my work before
I thank you for coming back for more
But I know you’re just expecting me
To mention David Bowie.
Because David Bowie is my hero
He sings and he wears nice shoes
He played the Goblin King in Labyrinth
And his crotch had a starring role too
And if you ever say that a band like The Twang
Can write a better song than
Life On Mars,
I’ll kick you in your nadgers!
I never went to a school with kids called Tarquin or Giles
I never liked that song about walking a thousand miles
I never once gave up my embarrassing love of Bon Jovi
Although my iPod sports The Darkness, and the guy who plays Jack Harkness,
So I long ago lost my credibility
And if you’ve read my work before
I thank you for coming back for more
But I know you’re just expecting me
To mention David Bowie.
My sister is a professional dancer, so I’m jealous that she’s thinner than me
My best friends are pianists and artists, while I play the ukulele
But I am a writer, and one day a film-maker too
And I always win the pub quiz every single time I go in
But I’m sure I’ll be banned from it soon.
And if you’ve read my work before
I thank you for coming back for more
But I know you’re just expecting me
To mention David Bowie.
I sometimes wish I was David Bowie
He’s so much cooler than me
He got to tour the entire world
While I’m stuck at university
And if you ever say that a band like The Twang
Can write a better song than
Life On Mars,
I’ll kick you in your nadgers!
I’ve never swam the English Channel or made poverty history
I never learned to ride a bike or basic water safety
I don’t even have a donor card or know my blood type
But I know random useless trivia, like the capital of Bolivia
And I can also when sober touch-type
And if you’ve read my work before
I thank you for coming back for more
But I know you’re just expecting me
To mention David Bowie.
Another impressive fact to add to my CV
Is that I’ve had poems published in an anthology
Although two poems isn’t a quantity of merit in my degree
I think that it makes for a healthy start
In crafting my so-called ‘art’
Though my work’s just pale imitations of comedy
And if you’ve read my work before
I thank you for coming back for more
But I know you’re just expecting me
To mention David Bowie
David Bowie’s an inspiration
I write silly songs about him
He wrote the song from my favourite TV show
Starring a bloke called John Simm
And if you ever say that the Arctic Monkeys
Or other bands from NME
Or the cast of Hollyoaks
In fact any other soap
Or even Gandhi
Is cooler than Bowie,
Your taste is just appalling.
© Hayley Charlesworth
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14 comments:
Your poetry gives me the will to live. And if anyone disagrees, they just don't know art.
I love the last line. Tis fantastic.
Also, am I one of the artists mentioned, or is that just being optimistic?
Either way, you know I think your songs / poetry / general musings on Bowie and Bowie related things are ace.
David Bowie's penis frightened me to death the first time I saw Labyrinth.
This poem makes me inordinantly happy.
Well Well Done.
Love, love,
-Pants
This is brilliant and so funny.This blog is a great idea!
lol, funny.
Haha, that's brilliant. I feel the need to go listen to Bowie now...
thats really good! keep writin them
lol hayley, you own.
Yo, your mind is amazing even when drunk. The rhythm is a bit weird in places though, but maybe that's just me.
Dear Chris, listen to The JLA Song by Tim Minchin and it's a similar rhythm. Plus, I was drunk, that's the concept.
This is especially good for a drunken poem.
I won't comment on the taste part as we all know what you think about my taste anyway.
(In case you don't, she thinks it's shit. Most of our feelings are mutual, mind.)
There need to be more poems like this in the world. Oh, imagine how much nicer life would be if we could study poems about David Bowie instead of things by Gillian Clarke! You are a marvel.
(Hello! It is I. Well. Amy.)
Hear, hear!
Good for people to know.
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